Smash darted this way and that in an attempt to get out from under the rock, whose growth seemed to be slowing, as if to mock him, but definitely had not stopped. The others in the party gave him a wide berth, seeking cover. Finally, he stood still and slapped his hands to his sides in frustration.
"Well, what do I do now?" he demanded, eyeing the underside of the still-enlarging stone.
"Negotiate some more?" It was Steven responding from his hiding place under a sturdy looking table.
"Uhhh -- I don't think so."
"See if you can get him to let you be Moses," Blackfive suggested from behind a bank of mass storage devices. "Maybe then he'll turn it into some commandments or something."
"Commandments?!" Smash shot a glare at his First Officer, then focused again on the pending rock.
Abruptly, Joanie stood up and loosened her rifle. "Stand back!" she announced.
Everyone else burrowed deeper into their hiding places.
"What are you doing?" Smash demanded apprehensively.
"Cover your head, sir," was all that Joanie said as she shouldered the weapon and took aim.
Smash threw both arms over his head, crouched, and squeezed his eyes shut.
Joanie fired. The rock split into a million pieces, most of which showered on Smash.
"Ahh. That feels better," Joanie announced. "Finally, something I can shoot!"
God protested: "How did that woman get a weapon in here? You must surrender it now!" he thundered.
Joanie was not intimidated.
"Forget it, buster," she spat, again taking aim. "You people have been playing mind games too long. I'm bored. Prepare to meet your maker."
"Joanie, don't ..."
Joanie fired. The burst went right through him and obliterated a filing cabinet on the far wall.
God stood with his arms crossed. "You can't kill me with your puny weapons!"
"He's just a hologram, Cro." Steven reminded the startled security chief.
"Oh, right."
She again raised the gun to eye level.
"What are you doing?" Smash asked.
But god already knew.
"Stop that. Stop that right now. Captain, make her stop now or I will send a plague to ravage your ship."
Joanie cut a huge swath through two of the computers lining the closest wall. God screamed.
"I demand you make her stop! Have you ever been covered in boils?"
Joanie blasted again. This time she cut into the larger computers a little further down. She didn't stop until they were rubble.
"It will do you no good, creature. But if you stop now, I will make sure you get to heaven. I'll send a limo....”
“…Stretch.....”
“…With a wet bar!...”
“…Stocked!"
"Heaven?" Joanie asked as she took aim at the remaining computers.
"Yes, you know, singing, frolicking, cavorting with angels. You know, Heaven!"
Joanie paused to consider this. Then she grinned. "Sounds boring." And she turned what was left of the equipment in the room to twisted metal and ash. "There," she said, obviously pleased with herself.
God was gone. The room was destroyed. Somewhere close by, someone could be heard quietly sobbing.
The team stood together taking in the sight. The answer had been so simple.
"Sir." The security chief's face was dark with disapproval.
"Yes, Joanie?" Smash replied, picking slivers of stone off his uniform.
"What the hell did you expect to accomplish by talking to him?"
"Well, you see, computers are logical, so I thought that if I could just..."
"Shhhhh." It was Sondra. "Do you hear that?"
Everyone listened.
"It sounds like someone crying." Teresa said.
"It's coming from over there." Sissy said.
They moved closer to the location and found a door. Opening it revealed a sparse room with an operator's console, a printer, and ... well, an operator. He was slumped down into his chair, hands in his face, sobbing.
"Who are you, Mister?" Smash demanded.
The man only wailed.
Smash swung the chair around, uncovered his face, and yelled:
"I asked you a question! Answer me. Now!"
"OK, OK, so I'm not God. I -- I -- I was just having some fun. It was so perfect. I could do whatever I wanted to those know-nothing users." He spat the last words out like they had made him gargle with poison.
"Looks like he's IT Specialist Michael Moore, Captain," Sissy put in from the undamaged side of the room, where she was rifling through drawers. "His records are here in this filing cabinet, along with the records of all the others assigned here."
"Why didn't our sensors detect him?" Smash wanted to know.
"We were only scanning for intelligent life forms," Steven responded, with a straight face.
Smash rolled his eyes. "Okay. So where are the others, Mr. Moore?"
"They shuttled down to the planet. They didn't want to play my game. They said I was ..." his voice broke off.
Smash’s communicator clicked.
"Captain?" came a voice from the speaker.
"Yes, Greyhawk, hello!"
"Captain, we're so glad ye're alive. We haven't been able to contact you since y'left."
"Yeah, we're all right; what's the status of the ship?"
In the background, Moore was babbling "What did you do, user? Turn the computer off, then back on again. What did you do, user? Turn the computer off, then on again. What did ..."
"Och, the ship is fine, Captain. In the last few minutes, the tractor beam dissipated, and communications hae just come back on line. I'd say we're 100 percent and nae harrm done."
"Excellent. Prepare to beam us aboard. And we have a prisoner."
"Och, aye?" said Greyhawk, "And who would that be?"
"God. And he needs a shave. Away team out."